I snapped this photo two days after we got home from the hospital. I refer to it often, as it represents my hardest postpartum day to date. It was one of those dark days where I wanted to fast-forward to the future and rewind to the past, at the same time. One of those days where I could not place the blame on any one thing. I had a lot going on in my head and my heart. I simply remember the day hurting me something fierce, throughout its entirety. It was lonely and long. Raw and sore. Heavy and emotional.
And still, we made it through. And she looked like this, in that moment where I swallowed the tears to keep them from dripping onto her sweet-smelling head. I could see the light even then, even in that moment. This day will fade, and so will the yuck.
But my daughter? She will still look like this, on this day, in the photo I take. If I take it.
So I did. Because this is what I wanted to remember.