time to thaw.

My friend sat on it for a few weeks before she brought it to me. “I’m not big on prophetic stuff unless I know for sure it has a meaning. This could be nothing at all. But I had a dream about you and I haven’t been able to get it out of my head.”

She went on to tell me a beautifully vivid storyline that came to her while she slept. My four babies and I were on a sailboat, dressed to the nines and pulling up to her dock (neither of us have boats or docks, but wouldn’t it be nice?!). The wind blew through my hair and I leaned in toward her, a huge smile on my face. As we docked, I couldn’t contain myself. I looked straight at her, put my hand on her shoulder, and said

I have been on the adventure of my life, and I cannot wait to tell you about it.

I got to call my friend a prophetess. I got to tell her that her dream was from God and that it was her mission to tell me about it. I got to repent.

I know this dream was from God, for one reason alone, and it was this: that storyline was not real life for me. My friend had no idea. Most people wouldn’t. I may have been on the adventure of my life until now, but I could not see nor express it when it related to my children. In fact, I’ve spent the sum total of my birth babies’ existence just trying to keep them alive. Early on, I went numb in favor of spending my emotional energy on their dad and brothers. After I established solid relationships with my husband and stepsons, the numbness toward my biological children just felt easier.

I am not naturally laid-back. I am not naturally snuggly. I am not naturally messy. Small children require flexibility with all of those things. I was either too tired or too scared to to deal with the numbness, and so it turned to a sense of cold.

Until this summer. My friend shared the dream a few months ago and I knew it was time. I have more responsibility and less free time than ever, and still I know that now is the time to thaw. To be present. To stare at those four kids and pull them close. To let them see me, know me, forgive me, serve me, and love me. I’m asking God to help me learn the art of laid-back, snuggly, and messy.

I have been on the adventure of my life, and I cannot wait to tell you about it.