Despite popular belief, not every single one of my husband’s songs changes my life. In fact, I didn’t even like his music much when we met. He spent a long time winning me over to his sad ballads before I walked down the aisle to his voice.
In the years since, we’ve spent many a morning discussing my reaction to his projects. He’ll finish a song at 2am, collapse into bed, and then crank it up nice and loud while we fix breakfast the following day. His eyes follow me around, absorbing each one of my facial expressions as the notes ebb and flow. I usually maintain a decent poker face, but sometimes I can’t hold it in. I’ll cock my head to one side, or purse my lips into a smirk, and he knows. I’m pleased. Thrown off. Amused. Unimpressed. Something.
It’s a fragile road to walk, being an artist. The desires to both stay true to oneself and please others… they clash and rarely settle into perfect balance. I wouldn’t know, as I’ve never lived that life. But I experience it every day alongside Chris. As opinionated as I am, I try to keep an open mind about the music he produces. I want to respect the fact that this is his life, his calling. Most of the time, I keep my thoughts to myself and encourage him about wherever he’s headed with each track.
Instead, I collect and cherish the songs that do move me. I’ve built a small (but growing) list over the last few years. These are the songs I can’t listen to at the breakfast table, while he watches me and asks for my feedback. These are the songs that demand me to experience them in the quiet places, the ones that take my breath away and make me ugly cry.
One song in particular touches me in a deeper way each time I hear it. It was written for our daughter Isaiah Jane, before we ever knew about the struggles she’d experience. In that sense, I cannot give my husband too much credit. He wouldn’t take it anyway. Sometimes the Holy Spirit just downloads words and melodies into Christopher’s heart, and he shares them with us.
And though I’ve posted this song before, I want to share it again. Thank you dear one, for your obedience to your work. You knocked it out of the park with this one.
Week 16 of 52: