I didn’t leave Ames until my first day back to work (5 weeks postpartum). The only time he was ever out of my sight was when Chris would hold him for a few hours at night to let me sleep. I even showered with him in the bathroom, so that I could peek at him in the moses basket every minute or so. Yet I was so resentful! I cried almost every time he cried. I looked things up on the internet and wore myself out trying to be perfect. I asked Chris how he managed to stay so calm and laid-back about everything. Why was I so bad at this? I was born to be a mom, dangit! I shudder to remember how I felt when this picture was taken:
This time, I’m taking breaks and taking ’em often. Once a day or so, I sit out back on our patio. I try to time it right, when the sun hits the picnic table. I take a few minutes to soak up the sun and take deep breaths. It doesn’t matter if it’s been an easy or hard day. I just sit. No babies, no toddlers, no big boys, no husband. Just momma & the sun. This is usually when Chris brings out a placenta pill & something to drink, for fear that I might try to burn the house down. I also had my mom come over one afternoon, to sit with the babies while I ran an errand with Chris. We were gone an hour. It was so nice to just sit in the car alone with him, even that soon after the babies’ birth.
I’ve also been taking better care of my breasts. That probably sounds funny. But I’m serious. Last time, I battled yeast & thrush for more than two months. It was miserable. With twins, your boobs don’t get a break. It’s not like you can just nurse from one side and give the other one time to heal. So I’m not taking my chances. I passed on the disposable nursing pads I loved so dearly with Ames. I’m now a fan of these guys, from Babies R Us. Instead of trying to get more use out of them, I throw them in the dirty laundry every night. I’m also wearing this totally-unflattering-but-perfectly-cotton nursing bra around the house, instead of the synthetic & expensive badboys I wore last time (they’re still awesome; I’ll wear ’em when I’m back to work).
Lastly, I’ve forced myself to relax. I don’t obsess over pacifiers & germs & nipple confusion & how much milk to pump before I return to work. I nurse my babies, not the clock. I don’t plan hours ahead as to who is visiting and what the babies will wear and how much time I have to bathe them. In fact, they still have yet to partake in a real bath. I just follow their cues to eat and enjoy the time in between. We’ve been trying to spend time outside, now that it’s warmer. I tell ya, springtime babies & their families have it made!