the week that went on forever

Last week felt like it lasted a year. I’m still surprised when I look back. Time has slowed to a crawl. Unfortunately, it looks as though it will remain as such for at least a few weeks more.

As I’ve said time and again, I’m doing my best to stay transparent on this blog. I’m doing my best to share the things I’ve wondered about and learned along the way, in hopes that I may pass things down and pick things up as I continue on the exciting journey that is motherhood.

It is one of my greatest joys in life to be an encouragement to others. So I’m sad to say that I have suddenly been hurled into a season where I feel I have nothing to offer. I feel dark and lonely. I feel desperate for answers. I feel cheated. I feel nauseated by the thought that I might have been doing this thing wrong all along. I feel exhausted by all of the well-meaning people who try to encourage.

I’m still not in a great place to talk about it yet. I have opened this computer several times this week only to close it again without writing a thing. I’m not trying to be melodramatic. It’s just that we’re still in the thick of things without any answers. Just a simple “How are the girls?” leads into a long explanation, one that includes our other children, and one that I fear will turn into a pity party. That is so, so far from my intention.

Different plans and paths swirl about in our future, and I’m unsure which one we’ll take. But in the meantime, I’ll try my best to keep you all updated. From friends to family to coworkers to tweeters, we have been made to feel so loved and supported. Thanks again for sharing in this with us. It makes the load so much lighter!