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the week that went on forever

Last week felt like it lasted a year. I’m still surprised when I look back. Time has slowed to a crawl. Unfortunately, it looks as though it will remain as such for at least a few weeks more.

As I’ve said time and again, I’m doing my best to stay transparent on this blog. I’m doing my best to share the things I’ve wondered about and learned along the way, in hopes that I may pass things down and pick things up as I continue on the exciting journey that is motherhood.

It is one of my greatest joys in life to be an encouragement to others. So I’m sad to say that I have suddenly been hurled into a season where I feel I have nothing to offer. I feel dark and lonely. I feel desperate for answers. I feel cheated. I feel nauseated by the thought that I might have been doing this thing wrong all along. I feel exhausted by all of the well-meaning people who try to encourage.

I’m still not in a great place to talk about it yet. I have opened this computer several times this week only to close it again without writing a thing. I’m not trying to be melodramatic. It’s just that we’re still in the thick of things without any answers. Just a simple “How are the girls?” leads into a long explanation, one that includes our other children, and one that I fear will turn into a pity party. That is so, so far from my intention.
Different plans and paths swirl about in our future, and I’m unsure which one we’ll take. But in the meantime, I’ll try my best to keep you all updated. From friends to family to coworkers to tweeters, we have been made to feel so loved and supported. Thanks again for sharing in this with us. It makes the load so much lighter!

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12 Comments

  • Reply Love Being A Nonny February 19, 2012 at 8:18 PM

    Praying…have been and will continue to do so. You are loved.

  • Reply Bettina February 19, 2012 at 8:32 PM

    My thoughts are with you, take all the time you need.

  • Reply BreAnna February 19, 2012 at 8:47 PM

    We’ll be here when you are ready. Thinking of you and your sweet family. <3

  • Reply babEblessings February 19, 2012 at 9:07 PM

    Praying for you. When you feel yourself turing inward just remember that the one who knows all knows you well enough to take all your fears away.
    Blessings girl.

  • Reply merirobin February 19, 2012 at 9:11 PM

    still praying…and the phrase that keeps coming to mind when I think of you is, …burdens are lifted at Calvary….don’t forget to lay it at His feet!

  • Reply Sarah February 19, 2012 at 10:18 PM

    Praying!! Jeremiah 29:11

  • Reply Bekah Joy February 19, 2012 at 11:11 PM

    You have been on my mind all week, still in my thoughts.

  • Reply Amy February 20, 2012 at 12:21 AM

    I’ve followed along for a little while, and I just want to say that I am sorry. I am sorry that you have to journey this way and that you feel alone; I’m sorry that it is dark. You are in my thoughts, also.

  • Reply megan February 20, 2012 at 2:59 AM

    Praying prayers of peace for you and your sweet family, Rachael. Lean in, He’s there, and so are we.

  • Reply Ashley K. February 20, 2012 at 11:19 AM

    The sunshine will return. Until then we can walk through the darkness with you. My thoughts are with you.

  • Reply Kelly February 20, 2012 at 11:39 AM

    sending lots of love your way. xo

  • Reply The Prairie Hen February 20, 2012 at 11:40 PM

    praying for you and your sweet family. xoxo

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