the loss.

I count it such a blessing that we’ve never had to deal with the death of a baby in utero. No matter the stage or progression of pregnancy, it is a life lost and a life mourned. I certainly don’t take my fertility or my family or my life for granted.¬†With this month being National Pregnancy Loss Awareness Month (the official day was October 15), I wanted to take a minute to honor a few moms who have been on my heart lately. Each has her own story, and each story has already been made public.

1) Jessi was overjoyed to find out she was pregnant a few months ago, and she looked forward to welcoming her family’s fourth baby next year. At an appointment a few weeks later, though, they were struck with the news that there was no longer a heartbeat. She named this sweet baby Arrow; and although it tore her up something fierce, this season has taught her so much. You can tell by the beautiful things she writes under the label “miscarriage” at Naptime Diaries.

2) Kara has been very open about her journey to motherhood, over at Matt & Kara Adopt. When it became apparent that adoption was right for them, it took much longer than they’d anticipated. Longer, even, than any other adoption story I’ve ever known. However, they were finally paired with a birth mother and waited for the big day. That day has come and gone. Their boy was born a few weeks ago, and his mother decided to keep him. Kara’s nursery is ready & empty, and her friends and family are grieving along with her this month.

3) Libba doesn’t blog, but I sure hope she starts keeping tabs of her next few months. At her most recent ultrasound, it was discovered that Libba’s third baby, a girl, has no brain. The condition is called anencephaly and is incompatible with life. Libba & her family have chosen to carry this baby girl, recently named Glory, as long as they can – even to birth. In Libba’s words, “We are really looking forward to having possibly four more months to enjoy our Glory girl this side of heaven…we are open and want God to use our brokenness for His glory.”

4) Kortney was still a newlywed, having married Benjamin in May. On staff with a pro-life organization, she was on her way from a conference when she died in a head-on collision last weekend. She was twenty-one weeks pregnant with a baby girl they had just named Sophy. They were working on a documentary of her pregnancy and had recently experienced a 4-d ultrasound, a video which has since been shown all over the country in Kortney’s honor.

Each of these moms lost. Hard. Each of these families lost. Hard.
One of the special things about these ladies is that their hearts belong to Jesus.

I received a poignant anonymous question the other day, regarding Kortney’s funeral.
Chris referred to the memorial service as being “all about the glory of the Lord,” and the question said:

“I wonder if the woman’s family would disagree?? That is just the type of statement that gives Christians a bad name.”

I completely understand and respect the importance of grieving, but each of these families has their hearts set on things above. As Christians, we believe that pain & darkness rule this earth. It’s how we can believe in a God who loves, and still admit that horrible things happen every day.

These hurting families dream of a place where there is no pain, no tears. When they lose, they lose hard. But they know that this is not the end of the story, and their souls are able to rest in that. The nights are long, but joy comes in the morning.

These women are true testimonies to God’s faithfulness.
You don’t even have to be a follower of Jesus to see His glory all over them.
I am in awe of that.

11 thoughts on “the loss.”

  1. How very very sad. Stories like this broke my heart before but now that I have a child the pain I feel for these women and their families are so much more. We’ve had to deal with the loss of a baby (no personally) but my aunt (who I’m very close to) gave birth to their first child in 2005 and everything seemed perfectly normal until he was 2 days old and they discovered he was missing one of the main four heart valves. He had surgery and seemed to be getting better but then he caught a Staph infection and passed away at the age of 4 months old. It was THE hardest thing I’ve ever had to face… prayers and hope go out to these families.

  2. Having lost two babies to miscarriage myself, I understand the depth of pain and loss that is often felt so silently by a mother, and often not understood by others. Thankfully I had a supportive husband who loved and cared for me during the grieving process. My mother had a baby boy born prematurely who died at 6 months of age, and the pain of that loss sometimes is still unbearable for her. As mothers we often do not realize our strength as living breathing people until we have to walk through something like this, and even then we are not the same on the other side. The depth of our love for our children gives us strength to make it through, which is a mirror of God’s love for us, and that sustains us. Thanks for sharing this – I would not have known about this day set aside to recognize infant loss/miscarriage otherwise.


  3. Loss of a child, in any form, changes the family for ever. My mom’s last pregnancy ended up being a still birth when I was in first grade. We still acknowledge Andrew’s birthday each year and mourn his loss. There was so much hope and promise for his life and it is still hard that he is not here with us on earth.

    My own miscarriage, just before I got pregnant with my twins, was the hardest thing I’ve experienced. It made me angry and sad. It felt so unfair. My miscarriage was very early, but it was my first pregnancy. I can’t fathom what all the families you speak about here are able to cope. I am grateful that they have God to rely on for healing.

  4. I really admire your response to this question. You handles kind of a rude question very gracefully. :)

    I am praying for each of these families (two of whom I follow on their blog). I can’t even imagine…

  5. I’ve suffered from 3 miscarriages and I’m still struggling to find a way to our family. Thanks for keeping it real and sharing other stories I can relate to. I can only hope to have a happy family like yours one day.

  6. Thanks for the reminder to enjoy every moment of life… even the difficult ones. Every day is such a blessing. My heart goes out to these families.

  7. Thank you for this post that recognises all different kinds of infant loss, all of which are heartbreaking. I can’t even imagine the pain of this type of loss.

  8. This post gave me the chills. It was so beautifully written, and brought light to such a difficult topic. I loved the fact that you addressed more than one type of infant loss.

    I love the idea of His glory all of them. That’s a beautiful picture.

    Catching up on the blogs you linked to now..

  9. This is so precious for me to read right now. I went to my sisters 13 week ultrasound on Friday and we found that she has identical twins, no heatbeat. Yesterday I was with her all day as we went to the hospital for her DNC. She looked so violated when I saw her afterward. This was her 4th pregnancy and they would have been her 6th children.

  10. Thank you for this. My husband and I lost our only daughter, Ryann, in May. She was 19 months old. The only way we have been able to make any sense of this loss and continue forward is having the support of each other and knowing that this is not all. She is not gone forever. It is unfair and it makes nothing better in the moment, but someday this will all be made right.

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