see ya never


This is a photo of my four young children and I, eating at a truck stop because our Suburban overheated repeatedly during our trip to visit family after Christmas. I was so far beyond rock bottom at this point, that I actually started to laugh after Christopher snapped this. We’ve since gotten the car fixed, but I cannot say the same about my heart.┬áDramatic? Maybe. But I’m not gonna lie.┬áThis was a hard year. I’m glad to see it behind me.

And listen, I want to be okay with that. I feel like this is sort of a taboo idea in Christian culture, and I want to talk about it. We can be women of valor, daughters of the King, eternal optimist go-getters and do-gooders… and we can still hurt. We can birth babies and advance in career and ministry, and we can still leave the party a bit frustrated. I believe God isn’t scared of that. I believe that’s the beauty of the gospel. It meets us where we are. It walks alongside us. Christ in me, even in the hard places. 2013 gave me some beautiful moments, a new home, and a little lady who stole my heart. There was some serious growth. I’ve got a sweet highlight reel, most of which involves me falling harder in love with my family than ever before. But I’m also leaving the party a bit frustrated, and a bit hurt.

So I’m going to kick 2014 in the teeth.

11 thoughts on “see ya never”

  1. I totally agree. I don’t think that God is disappointed in us for carrying hurt and frustration because I think those are symptoms of what could be. I don’t think this life is about being happy all the time and constantly improving ourselves (even though those things are not bad), but about living in a world full of crisis, pain, and struggle and still lifting up the name of Jesus through our thoughts and actions. Great post and I hope you have a better year this next year!

  2. Loved this post. Your honesty is fresh air. I’m sorry to hear that you are sad about parts of the past year, but you are so right – the Lord still IS despite our feelings and our ups and downs. He’s meeting us in that hurt, and I’m so grateful since He is my only stronghold most days.

    Rock on in 2014 :)

  3. Girl! I know what you mean, 2013 was hard and ugly over here. More downs then ups for sure. I think it’s so important to not shy away from talking about things that aren’t tied up in big bow perfection. <3

  4. I am sorry your trip was so difficult.
    Have you ever heard the song “The Struggle” by Tenth Ave. North? It’s chorus says “we are free to struggle but we are not struggling to be free” Those lyrics often play in my head, because no matter how much I struggle, in the end he has set me free. I can lay down at night knowing that I am loved. On top of that, I think it’s okay to be thankful for the hurt and struggles too, because we wouldn’t need his grace or mercy without them, then where would we be? Probably not seeking God.

  5. I love this….so much. Not the hurting part obviously, but the truth part – bring it! I’m guessing you’ve a wicked roundhouse kick – watch out 2014 ;).

  6. THANK YOU for posting this. I feel the same and have felt badly about it. 2013 brought us the death of two grandparents, my one year old daughter being diagnosed with a seizure disorder, me rolling my truck off a mountain cliff, my father having a life-threatening condition right after losing his job, my debit card being hacked, and on our way home for Christmas, our transmission went out! I’m ready for a fresh start! We work for a Christian camp that is under new leadership and I’m hoping for a more gentle 2014. God has been good to us through it all, all things considered. But,… I’m tired, you know?

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