Ames, your momma can be one neurotic, guilt-stricken lady. 
I stress about the details, I want to do things right the first time, and I’m always too hard on myself.
I have two big “regrets” from my relationship with Christopher thus far…

1 – When I came home from Alaska, I was really awkward with your Daddy. Read the story here.
I’m still kicking myself for not running straight into his arms and smothering him with kisses the day I returned. He was so beautiful. And I was so fat. Anyway, we’ve thankfully recovered from that season!

2 – When I got pregnant with you, it was a semi-surprise… Chris kept making jokes about it, wayyy before my period was due. So one day, after he left for work, I took a pregnancy test – BY MYSELF. He has never let me live that down. He was so mad (happy about you, of course) that I left him out of such a big moment. Oops.

When it comes to you, there are SO MANY THINGS about which to fret and regret later on!
Where to have you. How to have you. What to name you. 
How to feed you. What to do with your penis. What to do about vaccines.
How to diaper you. Where to sleep you. When to leave you.
Good grief!! 

Thanks to be God, though. I can honestly say I have no regrets thus far. 

I have met many women who wish they had done things differently.
They don’t walk around feeling defeated by any means.
They simply let on that they would like to go back and “fix” certain things.
Sometimes, it’s because they were pressured down a certain path.
Other times, they just didn’t know better.

I am thankful, Ames. God has been so good to us when it comes to you.

Your birth was perfect. I didn’t have to transport or end up with an emergency c-section. 
You were healthy. You took awhile to breathe properly and even longer to nurse, but it was perfect.
I know it was over 20 hours long, but your labor felt like the perfect sun-up to sun-down experience.
Our closest friends were there. Your dad handled everything like a champ. It was unbelievable.
This diapering thing has been so much fun. 
You’re currently wearing a lot of fitteds (still love Goodmama & Muttaqin Baby
and flats / prefolds with wool covers. 
Did you know that wool acts like an air-conditioner in the summer and a heater in the winter? 
It always smells fresh, too… and it only needs to be washed once a month or so! 
I never thought I’d put you in such hippie garb, mister.

My love, I know I will make plenty of mistakes with you.
I know you will forgive me again and again…
 and I want to thank you for the grace you’ve shown me already.
But for now, it feels really good to look at you & be at peace with the way things have gone thus far. 
I’ve got no regrets.

6 thoughts on “NO REGRETS.”

  1. Beautiful. I’ll be getting married in May and practicing NFP. I love reading your posts, and I will probably be asking you lots of questions when I start having children. Thanks for sharing!

  2. Ajax is a morning snuggler too! I feel like right around a year he went down to nursing once or twice a day(morning and night) and that was really nice for me. I felt so much more freedom during the day. But he recently had a cold and went back to 3 or 4 times a day which I am ok with because he needs it, just a little taxing on a pregnant mama. I think you are amazing for “sticking with it” for so long as a working mom. I imagine that pumping requires a lot of determination and love. Well done!

  3. this is wonderful.

    i have birth regrets for both my babies and nursing regrets for my son that i will probably carry around in the back of my heart for all eternity. those regrets fuel my conviction and perseverance with my baby girl and that is about the only positive thing about them.

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