how do you know that you know that you know?

I started getting baby fever last week. I saw a newborn at the grocery store and felt a pang in my stomach as I realized the twins were bigger. A few days later, Avery made a comment about wanting another little brother or sister. I’ve been frantically recording the gulping I hear while the sisters nurse, because those adorable sounds are gone in a flash. I think we’ve bathed them a total of four times in as many months. They just smell too sweet. I’m afraid I might wash that scent off forever.
What?! I didn’t even have baby fever when I got pregnant with the sisters. I haven’t felt this way since I first got married. I’ve been fantasizing about feeling GREAT through one last pregnancy, having a SINGLETON baby at HOME, & nursing HIM until age three (at least). Yes, I started getting baby fever last week.
So I made an appointment for Christopher. A consultation, for a you-know-what. Because he would love to have another baby, and we can’t afford to slip up and find out we’re expecting one – or two or three. Apparently, breastfeeding enhances one’s chances of having multiples. So what does that mean for the mom who’s breastfeeding twins?
 But a big heart-breaking part of me is not done having kids.

I know that I’m only 25, and that it’s a big decision to be making. It doesn’t have to be made right now. But it sorta does, right? I mean, we have five children. FIVE. We’ve both been doing this parenting thing our entire adult lives. We need a little time to breathe. At some point, we need to move past the diaper stage and really grow up as a family. And another baby would officially cramp our space & style. We were okay with upgrading to a Suburban for the sisters. But a church van? Really? Maybe we could get our own TV show. That might help put them all through college. 
Anyway, it’s all my family’s fault. My husband is the most patient, selfless man I’ve ever met. My stepsons are the most gentle, respectful big brothers I’ve ever seen. My toddler is the most joyful, life-loving maniac I’ve ever snuggled. And the sisters are the most laid-back, easy babies I’ve ever held. It’s all their fault. I wouldn’t mind having five more kids with this crew.
But we won’t. We promise.

22 thoughts on “how do you know that you know that you know?”

  1. Too funny! It’s good that you guys are really talking through this and figuring out what you want to do and what would be best for your family. I honestly feel as though I would be totally and completely happy if my daughter were an only child, but I know that I’ll want another one somewhere down the line! 5 though? You go mama!

  2. Well, how old are the bigger kids? Will they be able to drive themselves somewhere in 10 years? You are still VERY young! Get an IUD (you can get hormone free copper ones–I had one and it was zero hassle, didn’t hurt a bit I swear!)… it’s good for up to 10 years and you can take it out at any time. Doesn’t affect nursing, either, and it’s maintenance free. Plus, it’s completely reversible and more effective than birth control pills.

  3. I know this feeling all too well – my husband has 2 teenage boys, I have a 10 year old boy and we just had a baby boy together. This last one was completely unplanned too. I never wanted any more children…but he has been such an unexpected joy and gift in our lives and I find myself already wishing for another. (He’s 10 weeks old!) I can’t imagine having a 5th, especially if it turned out to be another boy – but it is so very tempting!

  4. big families are fun. if you want to have a test run you can probably go visit my bro, his wife and their 8 kids. They are all amazing and make it look so easy.

  5. Leave yourself open for God to continue to bless you with children. I’m 35 working to start a family now. I only wish I had the desire earlier in life. Now my body is punishing me for waiting.

  6. i want more babies all. the. time. when my youngest was just 2 weeks old, we looked at her & looked at each other & said, “WE WANT MORE!” she turns 3 next week & we still want more, but i’m glad to have my body back & we’re thrilled to have no diapers in the house, so we’ll stick with the 4 fabulous kiddios we’ve got.

  7. More! More! :) My husband and I aren’t sure if we’re ever going to STOP having kids. But with 2 under two right now, we might try a little harder at spacing them out. They’re just so…. utterly precious. I can imagine how you must feel!!! Maybe you could just make a temporary decision now, instead of a forever one….

  8. I know 2 people who had the mirena IUD and it went through their uterus and floated around their abdominal cavity – they both got pregnant. and had to have it surgically removed after they delivered.

    have another one! you two make beautiful babies!!

  9. My doctor recommends the implanon (i think that’s right?) It is the insert you get in your arm. More effective than the pill or an IUD, and easy to deal with. I don’t know that I could make a permanent decision at 25. I am almost 28, and baby #3 is almost 11 months old, and I am ready for another one! :) If only they didn’t cost money! ;)

  10. Just do it!! You have an amazing family and so much love, go for it! Easy for me to say, but I totally know the feeling and its a hard one to let go of!

  11. For me, I “know” because my body cannot physically tolerate another pregnancy. At least not without consequences. I would love to have four kids, but my husband has always just wanted two. He believes two is an ideal number: we can still afford to do all the things we want to do with our lives {including our precious kiddos of course}, and still send them to college.

    But…part of me still longs to have two more kids. I just know that if I were to go through more pregnancies, I could potentially hinder my ability to chase after said kids :(

    So, two is it.
    {but I still wish we had the money, and I had the body, for more}.

  12. Oh this is such a hard one. We had to make that decision a little more than a year ago after three beautiful children. My heart longs for a 4th. But it’s not practical or logical for a lot of reasons. And in spite of my desire, I had complete peace about my husband getting the you-know-what. I trust that if the Lord does want us to add to our family, a snip-snip won’t stop Him, and my heart is also burdened for adoption and I believe that could be part of the plan down the road. Praying you’ll find peace with a decision!!

  13. Just for the record, this is the only time in all of eternity that you will be able to experience giving birth and raising eternal beings, ;0) just saying

  14. I thought about this for you not long ago! For what it’s worth, in my humble opinion, I think you wait and see. The sisters are still so itty-bitty. I think, why make a surgical decision at this point? Keep things “secured” if you like ;) and just enjoy these days. That way if two, three, four years from now you wake up and know it’s time for another baby (don’t worry about space – there are bunk beds and church vans! ;)) then you’ll be ready!

    Just my little thoughts on the matter. :)

    Love to you!

    PS – They can work little jobs to pay for college – Josh and I did with great fun!

  15. Food for thought, it is better to space babies widely through the CBYears for GYN health (assuming this is done through NFP/FAM or LAM). I can almost gaurantee your baby fever will reach seizure levels @ say 35, kwim? Yk I am not for sterilization, I guess the no needle, no scalpel is supposed to be more reversible, relatively. I would love to see the reference on BF & multiples . . . so interesting!

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