I literally fantasize about ropes on a regular basis. I imagine tying perfect knots into a yellow rope and storing it in the Suburban. I imagine going to fun & exciting places with all of my kids, by myself, in a safe and orderly fashion. That is….when the twins finally grow. And if they ever decide to walk.
Despite his best attempts, I don’t think Chris will be successful in convincing me to have any more babies. The longer the sisters take to turn into toddlers, the more restless and frustrated I become. If I see one more photo of a chubbier-and-younger-than-mine baby who’s walking, I might lose it. When people ask how old they are now, I just say “one.” Nobody’s walking. Nobody’s talking. Nobody’s content to play independently. Nobody’s down to one nap a day. Nobody can last more than a half hour at the pool, much less a museum or an amusement park.
This has become a sore spot for me because I feel so ungrateful to complain. We’ve been blessed with fertility and beautiful babies, and we chose to have them all close together. Our family and friends often remark at how easy and fun everyone is. The big boys are so helpful, and they aren’t tired of the younger ones yet – which is huge. I’m trying to change my perspective and thank God for giving us such a long infant stage. Some babies grow too fast for their parents. But it’s getting hard, and I’m running out of steam. I feel like I’ve been a newborn mama forever, and y’all know how I feel about that.
I’m getting much better. I’ve learned to protect myself on days like this. I avoid social media photos and I embrace the babies in my house. My “reset button” seems to be located in my nose. I spend a few extra seconds inhaling the sisters. Soon, that innocently sweet smell will take on a sweaty scent. Those feet that still wear newborn shoes will stink to high heaven. Their little zombie crawls will be replaced by running, and I’ll have to chase them down just to get a hug.
I know it will feel bittersweet, for our family to move on from infancy. I will miss the days when I tripped over the dogs while carrying two refusing-to-walk toddlers down the stairs. But on days like these, I must admit – I look forward to the bittersweet. And so I fantasize about ropes.